I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
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