I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
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Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
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Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am