I think this conversation is over.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything