i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm eating all of the evidence.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
