To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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