i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
