Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
