my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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