just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
