Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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