I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Randomize
