They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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