New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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