All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
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We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
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Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
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