This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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