Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
