I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Barsexuality is the new black.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Randomize
