just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
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You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
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Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
His nipple licking is glorious
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