he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
