i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
