He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
