It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
