Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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