PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
