if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
