Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
