mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
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I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize