ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
