This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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