Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
they call him Oral-B. enough said
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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