I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
