Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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