I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
