someone threw a dead crab at me
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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