I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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