Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 2 1 whiskey
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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