This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
