im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
