is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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