Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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