"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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