I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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