I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
there is glitter all over my balls
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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