i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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