I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
