Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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