i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize