found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
