don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Randomize