If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
