it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
