I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize