It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I wish you could order shots online.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Even my vagina gasped.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background