apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
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not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....