God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
operation harelip BJ is a go
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral