We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait