Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize