and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize