I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
