That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
