When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
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