I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
